Apple A Day Keeps the Evil Dictator Away

So I was some monk like dude in this Kingdom. I lived in a walled off city without a name ruled by an evil dictator king like dude.


So I assume I'm some monk like guy because I'm wearing one of those brown robes and I have a big walking stick. Maybe I was a poor wizard? I don't know, but I was out in the field with my friend (no idea who he is) when we see soldiers ride escorting a carriage with a prisoner. I get a glimpse and it's a uber hottie. I feel bad and wonder why she's being taken away.

So I pretend to be delivering food to the prison and get inside. All I have are apples. I don't know where I got this sack of apples but that's what I got. So I go in there and find her. She's really the princess of the kingdom who has been in hiding since the evil dictator king dude took over. He finally found her and plans to force her to be his 8th queen (he has 7 wives so far and I guess he can since he's the king?). She asks me to help her escape to her Uncle in Valdara who can protect her. And damn me for being a sucker for damsels in distress...grr.

So anyways, I beat the guards using my sack of apples and steal the keys. I open the cell door and sneak her out of the prison into the gardens. We're running to the back entrance (heh...rear door...)

But that is when the alarms start going off. I tell her to run to the western bridge and hide underneath. And I give her the apples to eat. I tell her I will meet her there at 3pm but now I have to go back and made sure I'm not found missing or they will know right away. So I head back and act like nothing happened and I was in the orchard the whole time. But then they realize I have no apples with me and drag me off to prison. The guard later ID me as the one who beat them up with apples and I'm scheduled to be executed. Once the time of my execution arrives, I'm dragged out into the open where I will be stabbed to death with a sword...weee...

I defiantly curse the evil king and say how one day he will face justice. And then I'm stabbed. As I lay there bleeding, I hear trumpets. And then I see banners charging and it's the princess' uncle's army coming to retake the land. She made it home without my help. Huzzah! I think I died with a smile.

Neil Diamond is awesome

I had a dream where I won a raffle to meet Neil Diamond. So it was me and 2 other guys and we went on stage to meet him, but what they didn't tell us was that we would be on stage meeting him during one of his concerts. So he's playing and singing Sweet Caroline, and we're given mics to be his backup. So we're all like "wtf is going on?!?1" but then the entire stadium gets into the song and Neil is doing a big mashup of his songs. All is swell and we get pictures with him and autographs. He then uses us as a distraction to flee the stage and we're told we have to catch him and bring him back.


So we go chasing after him and i corner him in this one dressing room. He tells me how they are forcing him to sing and not letting him go home to see his family. So I agree to help him. We try and escape the building but they send in a "swat" like police team to find him. We go into this other super fancy dressing room and hide in the bathroom. We know they're going to check every room so we hide up in the ceiling. The ceiling is open and all wooden beams and such, so we're up there looking down on them searching the bathroom. They then decide to pee and take their sweet ass time. It was one of those "mission impossible" scenes where sweat is about to drip off my face and hit one of the dudes below. I catch it just in time. I woke up before i could find out if we escape or not....and I had to pee really bad.

FAST & FURIOUS..er?

Haha i had to write down some notes of my epic dream just to make sure i could share it.

So the dream started as I had just moved to a new city. All was well and I was out trying to mingle with the crowd. When suddenly I am approached by this sketchy looking mexican dude who’s all like “we don’t want your kind here essay!” and trying to push me around. So I punched him but it was super slo-mode because in my dreams I can never punch people very quickly.

Anyways, then these other guys come out of the crowd and tell me I should follow them before the rest of the putas show up and want revenge. So I go with these guys and it ends up that I had moved to a city in the middle of a gang war. The guys who helped me out were the “Chrome Hounds” (there’s a shitty xbox game with that name i own lol) and the mexicans were the “Los Gatos de la muerte” which is like cats of death or something lol. go go shitty spanish that I forgot all of!

So anyways, they say that I’m here just in time for the final show down and they could really use my help. it’s going to be a 5v5 street race to determine who gets to stay in the city and who has to leave. They lost 1 of their racers in that earthquake in china, so they didn’t have a replacement.

So I agree to help them telling them that my racing experience has only been in videogames. They don’t understand the concept of videogames (i was in some parallel universe where videogames don’t exist?). So before the race starts, I am told that there will be a twist that happens during the race that no one knows what it is exactly. So I get in my car which is a the previous guys car, a very riced up red honda civic. Damn fobs even invade my dreams!!! I took down as much of the fobby interior (hello kitty shit, stuffed animals in the rear window, and gay seat cushion things). So the race begins, I’m driving pretty well, sucking at some of the sharp turns (just like i suck at them in videogames, I usually just power slide into the turn and bounce off the walls). We get a msg that the twist is about to happen and the twist is….

….

….

….

ZOMBIES ON THE TRACKS!!!

We get 5 points per zombie we run over. So not only is the winning team dependant on what place each team member places, but a combined total of points from zombie squishing!!

I get to a roundabout and do two laps just to drift into more zombies. This makes me fall back and bit but I rack up a killer combo score. The race continues and I get to the front of the pack. But just as I’m coming up to the finish line, I see a big pack of zombies and do a donut just to get them all before crossing. My teammates generally sucked in the race but thanks to my zombie score we win. I’m a hero!!

I woke up and true story, I did a fist pump in the air because I felt that awesome. And then i wrote down notes in my iphone haha.

First blog entry!!

So after a few people have told me I should start a blog (not to use as a place to express myself), but more so that they have yet another webpage to entertain themselves for probably a whole 1-2 minutes while at work.

I can't really say I have anything important to say, but I do have some awesome dreams here and there.  I try my best to keep my phone near me so that if i wake up during the night from a particularly awesome drea, I can quickly type in key notes so that I do not forget. I would usually email these dreams to a couple friends of mine who already know I'm a geek and crazy which usually combines into Michael Bay directed dreams full of explosions.

Just to get my blog off to a good start, I will go back through my email archives and find some of my past dreams.

Enjoy.